woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My feet surprised me
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