When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
