i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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