im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
