Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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