you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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