Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
