I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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