Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I smell stomach acid.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
