Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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