Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
