i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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