She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
