I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
