I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
