yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
