So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
