I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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