Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
