Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
