So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
