hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
