The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
