Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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