i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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