I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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