Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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