4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
