I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
