i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
