hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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