She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
birth control should be required to get into college
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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