I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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