All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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