Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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