what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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