Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
