I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
