you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize