Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
