What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
