allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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