You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
