I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love you. Go after that dick
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
