i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
