Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
