i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
