Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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