big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
