It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
