Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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