i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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