I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
