Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
