apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
