I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
