You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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