So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
