Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
