I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
