just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
