I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
